Die Hard Nut

These are comments from a customer named Craig Jablonski. I've never met him. The second comment does not reflect particularly well on the company but it does shine a brilliant ray on that gorgeous entity we call Humor.

"Thank you so much for the granola. It's absolutly terrific! I can feel my cholesterol dropping as we speak! I am a little concerned about this "End of the Road Farm" maple syrup, though. Is this a synonym to "Dirt Nap" maple syrup? How 'bout "Pushing Daisies" maple syrup? Maybe "Six Feet Under" maple syrup? Anyway, thanks again for the 'nola. My kids and I will be healthier for it!"

"Recently, I was eating some of your nutty granola and I found a mysterious substance. I took it to a world renowned chemist from, oddly enough, Johns Hopkins named Adam and he told me it was tetrahyclotrimazolethlybenzene. I asked him why I wasn't dead yet and he informed me that it wouldn't kill me but I should keep clean underwear and toilet paper handy.I said at my age I do that anyway. He went on to say I should never eat anything from nutty Steph's again. I suggested you change the name to nutty Staph infection. He agreed.Anyway, I contacted my lawyer but because I shared my granola with him, he was in the bathroom and couldn't return my call. You'll be hearing from the firm Ben, Dover and Takit shortly."